1. A massaging, smooth talking, spy-tastic robot. For quite obvious (last post) reasons
2. Something to walk my dog. Trying to start simple, and this would do it for me, which would save me at least a half an hour each day
3. Something to answer my phone for me. Mostly because I very much hate using my phone on weekeneds when I could be sleeping, or on a schoolday when I could be working/enjoying myself
4. A cloning machine. Screw simplicity, I’d rather stay at home and let my clone go to school.
5. Knowledge transfer…y thing? So I could take my clones knowledge. So how I tied those two together so masterfully? Take notes, they’ll be a quiz.
6. A tickle proof coat. That isn’t too poofy. Also, this is because I’m ticklish and twitchy bordering on extreme.
7. A talking iPod. So I can hang out with it on my boring walks home and have it choose music and podcasts to fit my current tastes.
8. A timed toaster. So I can have my toaste ready for me when I come downstairs in the morning. Probably already exists, but I’d like one.
9. An automatic butterer. So I don’t have to butter said toaste.
10. A time machine. Well, I had to fit this in somewhere, didn’t I?

When I think of vital electronic tools that each and every spy has in their arsenal, the first thing that pops into my mind is a talking, massaging, flattering, and interrogating portable robot, that also records video and audio through its fishing pole mounted eye stalks and a hidden camera. Now, I wasn’t quite sure if this was the general public view of a spy’s tools of the trade, so I decided to go on a brief jaunt through the internet to see what the connections between “massages” and “espionage” were.

I started simple, typing in “massages spy” into Google. Maybe a little short-sighted of me, but I wouldn’t suggest clicking any of the links that show up. Let’s just leave their content at NSFW.

I then moved onto “massage espionage.”  Slightly more PG results, with some corporate fraud and something about the Civil War. However, upon closer inspection,  I discovered that the majority of these sites had misspelled the word “message” as “massage.” Moving on then.

So adding a bit more detail, I went with “massage spy robot.” Well, I got massage robots, but not massage spy robots. Disappointment; we already have one of those.

At this point I decided to stop messing around and put in all the key words, leading to a search of “talking massaging flattering interrogating portable robot eye stalks “fishing pole” camera.” Feeling secure in my preciseness, I press search. I get two results. The first was a broken link, the second a PDF. A 670 page novel, entitled WMD Machete by Mark Plimsoll. For the adventuress, a link.

So the outcome of my journey through Google? I have learned that this essential spy tool is both, 1) obviously a highly guarded military secret, and 2) that it is not yet patented. Huzzah! On to its creation. But don’t tell the feds, I’d prefer to keep this project quite hush hush.

Why? What in the world could be so important about them? When, in the real world, will I ever see a quadratic equation, or have to solve it by completing its square?

Most math seems to be like that.

I was on vacation? Okay? Maybe the vacation was only for a week…but it still excuses me.

I’ve started to watch Fringe lately. It’s a good show. I caught the tail end of the latest episode a week ago, and enjoyed it. I found episodes seven to the most recent on Hulu, and after watching those and a quick look on Wikipedia, I now feel caught up with most of the story.

The show follows the exploits (not the best word, but hey) of an FBI team (the “Fringe” department) whose job it is to investigate strange anomalies in the normal life. Specifically, it follows Agent Olivia Dunham, Peter Bishop, and his slightly insane, mad scientist father Walter Bishop. To give you a bit of an idea of what kind of anomalies they follow, episode seven, the first full show that I watched, was about a large man-made parasite that wrapped around your heart and choked it to death. It also involved using large amounts of electricity to read the thoughts of a dead criminal.

Again, it’s a good show. It’s on Tuesdays at 9:00 on Fox, and I would suggest catching at least a bit of it. If you like it, most of the season is on Hulu to watch.

Condra Darmish is an interesting character. She’s short, sadistic, and has a strange attraction to fire. Oh, and she’s magical and likes killing stuff.

That’s about as much background as I injected into this character, yet she’s strangely come to life in my writing. Or rather, she hasn’t, but the fire has. I’ve somehow managed to make the fire a character in and of itself. Very odd. Anyways, Condra is a character I’m using right now for TC (textual combat) over at Dark Rain. I have some threads. Enjoy the writing and killing.

The first
The second
And the third, in progress

And speaking of Dark Rain, the old site has died, being replaced by a new, shiny Zetaboards one. We were considering the change before, but a friendly hacker decided to force the decision on us. There’s a whole chunk of story behind the hacker, our rebuild, and the like, but you can find most of it on the new site.

http://s1.zetaboards.com/DarkRain/index/

Self Against City is a great band. Their first album, Take It How You Want It, has six songs and is going for a price of four dollars. Their recent 2007 album, Telling Secrets To Strangers, is eleven songs for eight dollars. Already, it’s a great deal.

I don’t know much about describing music, but this is good stuff. It’s rock music, but not the very, well, “damn-it-all-to-hell” shall we say. Just listen to their stuff yourself. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

iTunes links:

Take It How You Want It
Telling Secrets To Strangers

This is a great site. A dad draws pictures on his kids’ lunch bags during his lunch break. There’s some amazing art there.

Battlefield Heroes is back again with another beta. For any long time readers (who am I kidding, I don’t even have normal readers XD) I was in the old phase of testing. This one is still private, still under an NDA (I think) so I’ll just say that I’m disappointed with their changes. Still a fun game, but I’m enjoying Dawn of War 2 much, much more.

I also just finished reading In Cold Blood by Truman Capote. Great book. Not exactly scary, per se, but very disturbing. I would recommend this for anyone who’s interested in a strange take on a real life murder.

So…yah. Hi everyone. I haven’t been posting, but I thought I would redeem myself with an amazing song by the Futureheads.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sDXv5FcInQ

If I could cheat,
I would skip to the end,
And decide if it’s worth going through with,
Skip to the last, paragraph, just before we start,
To see the happy ending, or the broken heart.

If I could cheat,
I would skip to the end,
And decide if it’s worth going through with,
Skip to the last, paragraph, just before we start,
To see the happy ending, or the broken heart,
Happy ending, or the broken heart.

[CHORUS]

(Naaa, nanananana) There’s nothing to rely on, (Nana)
(Naaa, nanananana) C’mon and skip to the end, (Nana)
(Naaa, nanananana) There’s nothing to fall back on, (Nana)
(Naaa, nanananana) C’mon and skip to the end.

When I cut teeth, I cut to the root,
Then the end, is absolute.
When she makes sense, I go through the roof,
Then the end, has living proof.

If I could cheat,
I would skip to the end,
And decide if it’s worth going through with it,
Last paragraph, just before we start,
To see the happy ending, or a broken heart,
Happy ending, or a broken heart.

[CHORUS]

(Naaa, nanananana) There’s nothing to rely on, (Nana)
(Naaa, nanananana) C’mon and skip to the end, (Nana)
(Naaa, nanananana) There’s nothing to fall back on, (Nana)
(Naaa, nanananana) C’mon and skip to the end.

(Naaa, nanananana) There’s nothing to rely on, (Nana)
(Naaa, nanananana) C’mon and skip to the end, (Nana)
(Naaa, nanananana) There’s nothing to fall back on, (Nana)
(Naaa, nanananana) C’mon and skip to the end.

So the Adventure Quest people released an “MMO.” Let me explain how boss fights go about. I click on puncture twice, and then vipers kiss twice and go check if I have any new comments here while I wait to kill the enemt. Boring.

Verdict: Don’t play AQ Worlds.

The holidays are coming round, and I’ve been swamped with work and family stuff. I have to fill out around fifty school application forms, as well as helping to set up for Christmas and Hanukkah, both of which I celebrate. So don’t expect that much greatness from this site until December is over, but incoherent ramblings might have their place.

I’m a liar. Incoherent ramblings always have a place here.

Oh, and I finally finished Half Life 2 Episode 2. Great game. If you haven’t played any of the HL2 games, go buy the Orange Box and treat yourself to many nights of fun gaming. They’re really, really good.

So cheers, and merry early Christmas/Hanukkah/Other holiday!